So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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