I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
