Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
