Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Randomize
