he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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