Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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