i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
