Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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