I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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