Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
