I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
