I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
