I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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