I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
are you so shy because you have an std?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
