i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
