ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
