Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
