is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
