ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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