Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
