he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I am available for nakedness
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
