shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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