My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
