Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
