Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
