I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
being pregnant is like rehab
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
