got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
