I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
