ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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