Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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