I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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