Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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