I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
