2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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