i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
