bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
