I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
