So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
