As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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