his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
