Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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