i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
