i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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