i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
