wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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