I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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