remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
