dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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