I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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