I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
