i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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