It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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