Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
