Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
